ULTRA MAGA News

Newsom’s Red-State Tour Quietly Becomes House-Hunting Trip

Midway through his “Campaign For Democracy” tour, reports have emerged that California Gov. Gavin Newsom made secret inquiries to real estate agents on Florida’s Gulf Coast.

One agent provided some details. “He had an event in Sarasota, and was actually a little blown away at how nice it is here, with all the fascism and stuff. While surreptitiously driving him and an aide around, he asked me where the concentration camps were located. I told him I hadn’t heard of those, and he asked me where DeSantis had put all the teachers and librarians and trans kids. I just answered that I thought they were probably in school.”

She continued, “We drove past a ‘KOA’ and he asked me if the place was some kind of ‘autonomous zone,’ there being so many ‘homeless tents’ there. I was a little embarrassed to tell him that those were campers, not homeless folks. I recall him saying something like, ‘Well, I’ll be dam…boy someone could make a killing selling those homeless tents to these camper people!’ I  also know he was shocked that he hadn’t seen as much as a single pile of human feces during his tour. He thought with all the outhouses, they’d be FULL of it.”

When the agent was asked how serious she thought the governor was, she said, “Well, all I know is he has his staff trying to find some U-Hauls they can drive back, you know, since we sort of have a glut of them here in Florida.”

No one from the Newsom staff was available for comment.

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